after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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