the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
