i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
