Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
