i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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