Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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