You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
