I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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