I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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