Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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