I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
