sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
