just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
