so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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