Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
