Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
