no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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