You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
