I want to make a zoo with you.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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