just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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