Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
