we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
