with your own penis?
I love black thongs
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
