Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
