And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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