My hand turned me down
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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