I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize