I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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