i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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