I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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