all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
