I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
