Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
