He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
