It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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