Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
