I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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