I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
