i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
