we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
