I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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