its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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