Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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