i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My boob is missing a layer of skin
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
