Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
