Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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