i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
send nudes
from the living room?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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