it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
