I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Panties = found
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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