Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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