I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
