He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
