I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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