Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
