.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
