Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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