Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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