I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I supernannyed him into submission
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
