Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
