you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
