I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
vagina is talking i cant
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
