i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
