is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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