she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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