I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
