so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
