I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
