eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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