He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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