I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
