I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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