life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
"it" just moved
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
