so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
