it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize