no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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