I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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