Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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