My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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